reflection.

my dad seems to be getting worse. it has been hard for me to judge while we have been living 3 hours away from him for the past 9 months. recently i can tell in his voice. my family has always been really open about my dads cancer, but i think there is a sense of protection that come with a dad/ daughter relationship. nonetheless, my dad has stage 4 terminal cancer. it has been a devastating time for me! harder than i thought it was going to be, but really how are we able to prepare ourselves for the death of a loved one. i've been battling that thought of losing my dad, almost to the point of it being unbearable. i was just sharing with a friend that i seem to be crying almost everyday. i was at the gym the other day, listening to my workout music on my ipod & had a thought of my dad... right there, in the middle of some thug music, the sweating, and the people next to me doing the same thing, i broke down and cried because one day my daddy is going to be home with Jesus and not home with us. i kept doing the motions of my workout, but the shear fact that i cried in a public place, not talking about it was a huge eye opener for me. this is something that is going to happen eventually.
so what am i going to do about it? i am going to make the most of it! i am going to spend as much time with my dad as i possibly can. i am going to do fun things and build even more lasting memories. i began journal-ing to my dad. writing letters that to him with the memories i have of him as a little girl & even as i've grown up. there are so many, i don't know how i am going to get through them all. it has been a fun look back, but i am still so excited for the adventures of our future as father and daughter... he is taking my little sister and i to go see 'wicked' next weekend. chalk it up as another dad & daughter date that the three of us have done since we were kids. i can't wait to see what God does through my dad.