Saturday, October 4, 2008

reflection.

my dad seems to be getting worse. it has been hard for me to judge while we have been living 3 hours away from him for the past 9 months. recently i can tell in his voice. my family has always been really open about my dads cancer, but i think there is a sense of protection that come with a dad/ daughter relationship. nonetheless, my dad has stage 4 terminal cancer. it has been a devastating time for me! harder than i thought it was going to be, but really how are we able to prepare ourselves for the death of a loved one. i've been battling that thought of losing my dad, almost to the point of it being unbearable. i was just sharing with a friend that i seem to be crying almost everyday. i was at the gym the other day, listening to my workout music on my ipod & had a thought of my dad... right there, in the middle of some thug music, the sweating, and the people next to me doing the same thing, i broke down and cried because one day my daddy is going to be home with Jesus and not home with us. i kept doing the motions of my workout, but the shear fact that i cried in a public place, not talking about it was a huge eye opener for me. this is something that is going to happen eventually.
so what am i going to do about it? i am going to make the most of it! i am going to spend as much time with my dad as i possibly can. i am going to do fun things and build even more lasting memories. i began journal-ing to my dad. writing letters that to him with the memories i have of him as a little girl & even as i've grown up. there are so many, i don't know how i am going to get through them all. it has been a fun look back, but i am still so excited for the adventures of our future as father and daughter... he is taking my little sister and i to go see 'wicked' next weekend. chalk it up as another dad & daughter date that the three of us have done since we were kids. i can't wait to see what God does through my dad.

11 comments:

Kim Givens said...

We love you Summer! Hang in there!!!

Jenn said...

Summer-
I'm sad to hear your dad is getting worse.... I'll be praying for you as you seek to make the most of the days God has left for him.
Re: the journal, I hope there's an entry about going bathing suit shopping with him... That has left a lasting mark on ME. I hope that Bill will be able to do that with our teenage daughters, too. :)
Love you and praying for you...

Jeannett Gibson said...

Love, love, love the idea of journaling your favorite childhood memories to your dad. That would be such a sweet and perfect gift as a parent. I'm sure he will love it. :)

joy said...

i, too think the journal is an amazing idea. i'm so sorry. i admire your attitude to make the best of things and be positive. wicked sounds like fun! i've heard it's really good.

Irish Girl said...

Summer,
I will be praying for you and your dad! I will pray that God will allow you as much time with him as possible. Have fun at Wicked!!! Take lots of pics! :)

Renelle and Cole said...

hello my sweet friend. i cannot begin to imagine what you are going through and you and your fam are in my continued prayers. the other day i was driving and something popped into my brain about "papa" and I totally started crying...it's gonna be tough, that's for sure. and I know the Lord will do wonderful things with your daddy. He already has. :) i love you so very much and am sorry i'm not there to give you more hugs and cry with you.

Carrie Haughey said...

Summer, I love your openness about all of this. Thank you for sharing your heart right now. I hope that your daddy/daughter weekend is wonderful and that you are able to finish your memory journaling so your dad can read it all! Praying for you all!

Kate said...

oh summer. i'm sorry to hear about your dad. thanks for sharing. my thoughts and prayers and with you all. i hope your time together is wonderful.

Brenda Williams said...

You'll be in my prayers, that God will give you peace as you walk through this season of life.

Lisa Leonard said...

oh sum, i'm so sorry. shedding a few tears for you right now. i hope 'wicked' is a sweet time with the three of you.

thanks for being real--even when it really sucks and is painful. i love you!

The Murphy Family said...

OH, I am sad to read about your dad and have been wondering how he has been doing. ENJOY Wicked... it is wonderful! What a special memory to have.