Tuesday, February 24, 2009

oh so fun.

using all the letters of the alphabet, ashlynn came up with some fun things that she loves. just to name few... belly buttons (favorite book as a little person). mooches (her bear). elephants (her favorite animal). u. it was a silly little project that made us laugh a lot! oh and she says she likes to say the word ooooh! it felt so good just to laugh. why do i have to remind myself to have a little fun!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

old pics.

these are pics of my mom and her family when she was little. she lived such a fun life. my grandpa was in the airforce so they traveled and lived all over the world. the little boys are my uncles... uncle cary && uncle carl. my mom's name is caryl. my aunts names are carli && carin. try yelling all 5 of those names in a row... carin, caryl, carl, cary, carli! i have trouble with two kids and their names are so different. go figure. my grandma is pretty amazing. even at her age, she is still giving tours through old museums in virginia near dc, working in the garden, enjoying life. i don't know them very well, but i want to be like that when i am in my 80's.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


'have no fear for giving in
have no fear for giving over
you better know
that in the end
its better to say too much
than never to say what you need
to say again
even if your hands are shaken
and your faith is broken
even as your eyes are closin'
do it with a heart wide open... wide
say what you need to say'
-part of john mayer's song 'say'

Monday, February 9, 2009

holding hands.

i walked down the hallway holding my dad's hand. he was in the emergency room due to the massive fluid constricting his lungs. the pressure was literally killing him. as we were entering the hallway... lined with white walls. white floor. white lights. white linens. i felt my dad grab my hand and squeeze it. it was all i could do to not explode into tears! not to run and crawl into a corner. not to scream at God as to why this is all happening. instead, i remained strong. i walked my dad into his room. he gave my hand three more squeezes and then let go so that he could lay in bed. that is when i exited the room, back down the white on white hallway & broke down.

yesterday they released the pressure of the lung by removing 1600 cc's of fluid (that is about 1 1/2 iv bags of fluid). his pain hasn't subsided and the fluid is starting to increase again. we are waiting. i talk with him on an almost daily basis. sometimes it is about him. sometimes it is about the kids. all the time it is about how God has planned his life from the beginning of time. today he told me to call whenever i could. to yell if i needed to. to cry if i needed. to just sit on the phone if i wanted. he said he wished i was there to be with him. i would never yell at my dad (no regrets right?). i always cry. i don't want to just sit on the phone... i just want to talk. i always want to be there.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

dad update.

hey friends. thank you so much for all your prayers and questions about my dad. his cancer seems to be slowing down for right now. the treatment he has received in mexico has complete eliminated 3 out of 4 tumors on his liver. made the tumor outside of his lungs beneath his sternum smaller. caused his blood cell count to be better than it has been in a long time.

with all that said, he just called me telling me that he is going to be admitted into the hospital. in december they cut into his paracardium and placed a window so that his heart would work at the appropriate capacity, draining the fluid that was around his heart. the window has stopped doing its job. he is back to having a hard time breathing. he is having a lot of pain again. continue to pray. he is fighting as hard as he can! his endurance amazes me beyond what i can even understand!!!