Tuesday, May 26, 2009

two months.

today marks 2 months since my dad went home to be with JESUS. as anyone would assume, this isn't getting any easier for me... in fact there are days when it is harder than i can describe. i deeply miss my dad. the day to day contact (lack of) is horrible. i have only tried to call him once. i actually dialed his cell phone number while driving up to morro bay, so now everytime i drive up there i think of that moment. ash is struggling with life in general and people are telling us it is because of the attachment she had with him & now she is mourning the loss through the only way she knows how (being a BRAT)... this is where we are trying as parents to allow grace and mercy to flow. here is what i have learned these last few months.

1. i talked to my dad a lot & have had a hard time figuring out how to not have that any longer.
2. i really want my kids to remember their papa.
3. it hard to explain to people how i am doing.
4. it doesn't seem real.
5. i need JESUS to get me through all of the gross pain.
6. prayer has been my constant companion as it wasn't as prevelent before.
7. heaven really is a place.
8. JESUS is constantly there to embrace me when i stumble to the ground.
9. it is hard to get out of bed some days, but easier on others.
10. the best think my dad left me with with an understanding of JESUS.

one thing he always said to my sister and i when we were kids was, 'i love you triple.' it was this whole thing we used to do. he would first say, 'i love you double.' we would make a sad face. then he would yell, 'triple'. and we would get all excited. we would do it to him too. in december i remember him telling me (and it has stuck with me), 'i love you triple forever.'

i love you triple... forever.


Rebecca Parsons said...

We'll be praying for you. Praying for Gods comfort, and wisdom and grace for you and Todd with Ashlyn. He is faithful. Love you guys!

Emilie said...

Hang in there Summer! I will be continuing to pray for all of you. I've dealt with a lot of death too, and no one really does know how you feel but Jesus. It is good to know our Savior is the God of comfort! Hopefully we'll see you this weekend at my dad's bday so you can meet my little cutie!

Sheila said...

Hi Summer, it was good to see you at Grace on Sunday!

Well, tears are filling my eyes as I write this but just wanted to let you know that I relate a little to quite a few of your points (not that that helps at all but just to acknowledge that the pain is real and lasting but our hope in Jesus is also there). #2- a few tears escaped this weekend when I attended a wedding and thought of how my dad won't be there and my kids won't know him; #3- it is VERY difficult to explain and put into words and it changes day by day. #4- it's been 2 1/2 yrs for me but some days it still doesn't seem real. #7- the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn is good but long and a little difficult to get into. #10- I am so grateful and blessed to agree with you on #10. I still miss him so much though.

Love you! See you back in SLO later this summer or in the fall. <3

Linda Z said...

You have me in tears, Summer. Your list is so beautiful and so intense.

I struggle to find the right words, but I can share His...

Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Joanie said...

Dear Summer, I am so sorry to hear how hard this is on you and Ash. Awful.

Mama Mote said...

You'll never stop missing him and when special days come up, he'll be in your mind. And for me it's been 26 years...2 months after his first grandchild was born. The girls remember their other grandpa because he was around while they were kids. Sweet memories for them. Special pictures they have of them with him. But Jesus has been a comfort for all of us. I will keep you in mind and in prayer. Miss you all.

Julie said...

Hi Summer...

Ok, I'll have to come back. Can't see the computer through my tears! lol.....