i walked down the hallway holding my dad's hand. he was in the emergency room due to the massive fluid constricting his lungs. the pressure was literally killing him. as we were entering the hallway... lined with white walls. white floor. white lights. white linens. i felt my dad grab my hand and squeeze it. it was all i could do to not explode into tears! not to run and crawl into a corner. not to scream at God as to why this is all happening. instead, i remained strong. i walked my dad into his room. he gave my hand three more squeezes and then let go so that he could lay in bed. that is when i exited the room, back down the white on white hallway & broke down.
yesterday they released the pressure of the lung by removing 1600 cc's of fluid (that is about 1 1/2 iv bags of fluid). his pain hasn't subsided and the fluid is starting to increase again. we are waiting. i talk with him on an almost daily basis. sometimes it is about him. sometimes it is about the kids. all the time it is about how God has planned his life from the beginning of time. today he told me to call whenever i could. to yell if i needed to. to cry if i needed. to just sit on the phone if i wanted. he said he wished i was there to be with him. i would never yell at my dad (no regrets right?). i always cry. i don't want to just sit on the phone... i just want to talk. i always want to be there.
hey friends. thank you so much for all your prayers and questions about my dad. his cancer seems to be slowing down for right now. the treatment he has received in mexico has complete eliminated 3 out of 4 tumors on his liver. made the tumor outside of his lungs beneath his sternum smaller. caused his blood cell count to be better than it has been in a long time.
with all that said, he just called me telling me that he is going to be admitted into the hospital. in december they cut into his paracardium and placed a window so that his heart would work at the appropriate capacity, draining the fluid that was around his heart. the window has stopped doing its job. he is back to having a hard time breathing. he is having a lot of pain again. continue to pray. he is fighting as hard as he can! his endurance amazes me beyond what i can even understand!!!
we are reading the rag coast by lauren mills this week for school. this piece of literature is so spectacular. as a little girl, Minna is growing up a poor girl in the cold appalachian mountains. her papa has died while she is still young. 'everyone comes at once and brought us food. i couldn't figure out how so many people could squeeze into our little cabin, but somehow they managed it.' (Minna narrates) the story goes on to tell of the path this little girls takes to get to school, needing a coat to face the weather... something we so take for granted. as the quilting mothers make her coat from scraps of their own fabric, Minna's excitement is almost uncontainable. after she overcomes people making fun of her for her rag coat, she tells her story & the stories of those people in which the fabric came from. i could totally empathize with her grief of losing her father (not the lacking part), and cried through the whole book. i read the book twice yesterday to myself to try and prepare my heart to get through it, but i didn't work. i still cried.
our project for the book was to do a 'quilt square'. we could use paper or material. of course ashlynn wanted material. she has been wanting to use my sewing machine for such a long time. when i told her she would be able to use it, i thought she was going to come out of her skin with enthusiasm. so... off we went. she picked out everything! she picked the colors above (so proud they all match), red thread, and what she wanted on it. (she actually wanted her whole name, but that just was too much). she cut the fabric... with my help. our story for the these squares is this... the red, yellow & star patterned square comes from my mom. the 'A' was used in a cape from my nephew. the final square was used in another project for what? i have no clue. so she sat in my lap and guided the pieces of fabric through the machine needle. she picked the stitch we used for the 'A'. when she was done, she was so proud. i was proud of her too. to see her get so excited. chatting the whole time about how great it was to sew on my machine. it was such a sweet moment. plus... she did a really great job! just don't look too closely at the back.
we had some of our closest friends surprise us on new years eve night. they came and stayed with us for a night. it was so sad to see them go... but we did have fun watching the seals do some pretty 'interesting' things at the pier in port san luis. we had a blast going to pismo for lunch! it was a short time together, but it is always filled with laughing! we did a lot. heck look at the pictures. jeremy is apparently a pirate. ashlynn can open her mouth larger than danny. jeremy and todd look like they are in the 50's on a date drinking out of the same cute at the local diner. we had a blast together. hurray for fun friends.
