simply put.

walk with me through my last few days and see what the LORD has taught me through my kids. i will set the stage for you just a little bit. it is tuesday afternoon when i received one of the harder phone calls of my life. it was my dad & he started the conversation with, 'well, there are been so new developments. i am going to be stopping my treatment & going on hospice. i need you to come down and been here when i tell your sister. when can you come?' with that came a flood of emotions. there was a sick feeling in my stomach so bad that i thought i was going to throw up. the harsh reality that i was losing my dad. and of course the ever present rush of tears. i sat on the floor of my bedroom crying after just having talked with my mom & trying to figure out what i needed to pack for the next few days down in l.a. here is where the lessons rushed into my life.

1. 'it is okay to just let someone cry it out.' ashlynn kept jeremy away while i cried, taking the responsibility of him for a short time.

2. 'just ask in a calm fashion what is going on.' ashlynn sat down next to me and asked the simple question.

3. 'it is okay to hurt & mourn for those that you love.' when jeremy overheard the news about my dad, he started crying, saying that he didn't want his papa to die.

4. 'but it is JESUS.' through the tears of jeremy and myself, ashlynn's child-like faith came flooding out of her mouth... but j, when papa dies, he gets to be with JESUS. isn't that amazing!

5. 'innocence produces the most pure prayers.' i asked the kids to be praying for papa, aunt breezi, uncle tony. they stopped right where they were and prayed that everything would work out the way it was supposed to. they prayed that my dad would be healed. that aunt breezi wouldn't be too sad.

6. 'cuddling helps.' when we were within about 30 minutes from valencia, j was really sad again about what was going on. i climbed into the back seat of the car and just cuddled with both of the kids. it was healing.

it made me think of the verse that calls us to have a child-like faith. to be so pure with our ideals when it comes to scripture, to JESUS, and even to death. how did i loose that faith? how come i am having a hard time seeing that my dad going to be with JESUS as a sad thing? how come it is difficult to see past my fears? answer... i am selfish. because i am not getting it my way. i am not seeing it through the eyes of JESUS. because i want to have my dad forever... but my dad wants JESUS. i asked him if he was ready to die. his simple answer was , 'yes'. wow. i am not sure i could say that right now and be completely honest!