Wednesday, March 18, 2009

simply put.

walk with me through my last few days and see what the LORD has taught me through my kids. i will set the stage for you just a little bit. it is tuesday afternoon when i received one of the harder phone calls of my life. it was my dad & he started the conversation with, 'well, there are been so new developments. i am going to be stopping my treatment & going on hospice. i need you to come down and been here when i tell your sister. when can you come?' with that came a flood of emotions. there was a sick feeling in my stomach so bad that i thought i was going to throw up. the harsh reality that i was losing my dad. and of course the ever present rush of tears. i sat on the floor of my bedroom crying after just having talked with my mom & trying to figure out what i needed to pack for the next few days down in l.a. here is where the lessons rushed into my life.

1. 'it is okay to just let someone cry it out.' ashlynn kept jeremy away while i cried, taking the responsibility of him for a short time.

2. 'just ask in a calm fashion what is going on.' ashlynn sat down next to me and asked the simple question.

3. 'it is okay to hurt & mourn for those that you love.' when jeremy overheard the news about my dad, he started crying, saying that he didn't want his papa to die.

4. 'but it is JESUS.' through the tears of jeremy and myself, ashlynn's child-like faith came flooding out of her mouth... but j, when papa dies, he gets to be with JESUS. isn't that amazing!

5. 'innocence produces the most pure prayers.' i asked the kids to be praying for papa, aunt breezi, uncle tony. they stopped right where they were and prayed that everything would work out the way it was supposed to. they prayed that my dad would be healed. that aunt breezi wouldn't be too sad.

6. 'cuddling helps.' when we were within about 30 minutes from valencia, j was really sad again about what was going on. i climbed into the back seat of the car and just cuddled with both of the kids. it was healing.

it made me think of the verse that calls us to have a child-like faith. to be so pure with our ideals when it comes to scripture, to JESUS, and even to death. how did i loose that faith? how come i am having a hard time seeing that my dad going to be with JESUS as a sad thing? how come it is difficult to see past my fears? answer... i am selfish. because i am not getting it my way. i am not seeing it through the eyes of JESUS. because i want to have my dad forever... but my dad wants JESUS. i asked him if he was ready to die. his simple answer was , 'yes'. wow. i am not sure i could say that right now and be completely honest!

17 comments:

Plasterer Family said...

wow, praying for you and your whole family.

Irish Girl said...

Summer, I wish I wasn't 1600 miles away and could give you a BIG hug. I have been working doubles the past few days and this is the first chance I had to check blogs. Tears came to my eyes as I read the posts about you dad. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. For healing for your dad, and for you to be able to cherish every moment you do have.
One thing to do if you haven't already, get a tape recorder and have him tell stories. Family stories, reading books, whatever, so you can have that for you and your kids and your own grandkids... I wish we would've done that with my grandparents.
It doesn't make it any easier for those of us left behind even when we know they are saved and have Heaven to look forward to, because of the reason you said, we are selfish, we want them here.
I love you. I miss you. And I will be praying for all of you!
I hope this made sense! Just typing as fast as my heart and head are going.

Jeannett Gibson said...

oh honey! so sorry for the hardships, so sorry for the tears and the pain. isn't it amazing how kids have it so much more together than we do???!!! hang in there and PLEASE let me know if there is anything i can do when you get back into town. praying for you and your family.

The Bunn's said...

I'm so sorry Summer. You are already using this hard time in your life to share Gods love. Thank you for being so honest about your feelings. I'll pray for comfort and peace with what the Lord has in store.

Penny Malley said...

Summer, I'm praying for you guys. Your sweet kids are such a blessing.

Joanie said...

Weep with those who weep...how could we not be moved by your beautiful words, your love for your father, your love for Jesus and your children's precious words?

Lord, please grant Summer and her family peace, mercy and comfort. Provide opportunities in this time to make sweet memories. Hold her dad closely in this time and reassure them all of Your love for him. Thank you that he knows you and has no fear of joining you. His faith and love for You is inspiring. Please hold Summer closely. Amen.

Mama Mote said...

Summer...Like Heather, I wish I could just come hug you right now. Yes, aren't kids amazing? We had flown back to Montana and were back in our home after my dad died. Every once in awhile I would start to cry and one time, Elizabeth just crawled over to me, pulled herself up and just hugged my knee. Even at that young age, she knew her mom was sad and just gave me a hug. I knew she had the gift of mercy right then. That's how she is. But that was one precious moment I will always cherish. 26 years later, I still miss my dad. I don't know if he is with Jesus, but I can always hope. I pray for precious moments as you and your family gather with your dad. Love you.

Renelle and Cole said...

I love your honesty and openness. I love your family. I love your kids. I love your dad. And I'm going to miss him too...but you're SO right. He's gonna be with JESUS! Amazing!

Kristal Sawyer said...

Wow...teary eyed over here in Vegas! praying for you and your family right now. Thank you for your words...

Kim Givens said...

We love you and your wonderful family. Praying for you all!

Julie said...

It's so amazing to me that you see what you see during your pain. I'm crying right along with you and praying for all of you. #4 put me over the edge! I'm here for whatever you need!

And...um..as a side-note, you're an incredible mom.... look at the sweet, sweet heart of those kids you are teaching!

xoxo

AnnaTee said...

Todd told me about your blog and advised that I have tissues ready. I did. And I needed them. Call me if you want me to meet up with you.

Rebecca Parsons said...

We're so sorry Summer. We're praying. Love you guys. Let us know if you need ANYTHING.

joy said...

i hadn't read your blog until today. thanks for sharing the lessons you learned through your sweet kids. we do need a more simple faith, a more child-like faith and who better to show us that than our children? oh, summer, my heart aches for you and your family during this time, but i also rejoice for your father. he will be with JESUS! i am thankful for his peace and i am praying for you and your family. love you!

Jamie said...

Your children are so sweet. I hope you keep getting blessed by their comfort. I'm going to Santa Clarita the end of next week to visit girlfriends if you need anything let me know.

camille dahling said...

you are amazing, summer.

Lisa Leonard said...

such sweet words. so sorry it's so painful. and yes, i am happy to walk beside you and cry with you. xo