i know she is bound for great things.

she wants to be an inventor when she grows up.

remembering my dad.

1 year later:
this is how we remembered him.

the picture below his head stone. decorated about 6 months ago by jeremy with rocks.

jeremy keeping his papa's picture clean.

my favorite picture of the day. the kids sat at his grave for a little while and then walked away comforting on another. a treasured memory for sure.

we let balloons go. 1 blue balloon to symbolize 1 year passing.

my sweet niece becca.

uncle todd and becca doing 'up downs'.

my sister breezi and her boyfriend jason.

my brother tony & his wife beth.

the siblings... breezi, tony & i.

my sisters best friend (who is apart of the family), breezi & ash.

the end of the day we bar.b.qued at my sisters house. jt curled up on lindsay's shoulder. we had to take a picture because he is going to want this when he gets older.

and that concluded our day.

saturday.

these past few weeks are but a blur. hard & emotional. tiresome. i can't quite figure out where they all have gone. vaporized into some time warped place in nothingness & i sit here and try to figure out what is going on. saturday rocked my world. i stood in a storage unit... recently emptied and displayed before me were all of my dads belongings. hard... yes. sad... yes. a blessing... definitely. as we dug deeper into the things that were my dads, my sister stumbled upon 2 files. one said 'breezi' & the other said 'summer'. there was nothing profound in them. no letters to us from him. but what was inside showed me what my dad treasured. he treasured us. he has all the letters i had written to him. my graduation stuff from high school. my first speeding ticket. my drivers test. a stub from when we went to go look at cars when he was getting me my first car. the card that the hospital gave him the day he received my blood during surgery. my college class schedule. a tee sheet from the first time we went golfing together, on it was his hand writting that said 'first round of golf with summer.' this one impacted me in a way that i didn't think it would. it was a beautiful momento. i remember that day well. i have such an insight into his heart for his kids.

my life. my loves. my lists.

i found this book at starbucks and it has a ton of questions, some thought provoking... some silly. there are quotes from people that are directly related to the questions asked. i love books like this. i started to do the book. so fun. here is my first question i've answered.

'recall as often as you wish; a happy memory never wears out.' libbie fudim

'what are the things i think of that always make me smile?'

-running around climbing trees with my brother as a kid.
-the day i found out i had a little sister (seriously feels like it was yesterday. my brother wanted a boy... i wanted a girl. i won. i wasn't gracious.)
-my dad.
-when my friend stephanie 'encouraged' todd to ask me out. (hilarious story that i had nothing to do with.)
-when i got married.
-when each of my kids asked jesus into their heart.
-ashlynn laying with my dad in bed and watching cartoons.
-talking to my niece on the phone.
-baking with ash.
-playing baseball with jeremy.
-hearing my kids talk about my dad.
-reading a good book.
-going to scooters jungle with the fam.
-mandy. anna. steph. alyssa.
-laughter.

over a month.

it has been a crazy month. i mean crazy! seriously crazy.
we packed. enjoyed christmas amongst boxes.
loaded a moving truck (2 trucks).
said goodbye to slo. and hello to LA.
enjoyed my niece and nephew a ton.
i started running again after a small hiatus.
spent new years watching jeremy do push-ups.
(see todd's facebook for the video).
went to arizona for a good friends father funeral.
ash got a library card.
sewing like crazy (more to come with that).
i am homeschooling the little hommies.
i love it. seriously love it.
enjoying the family.

T (minus) 10 days.

not until christmas, until we move. yep... 10 days.
so most of my house has boxes in every room.
it is pretty much a disaster.
i am learning to be okay the stuff not being put away (learning).
but amongst the angst of stuff being everywhere my mom sent me
this picture of me and my dad.
it was soothing. i was about 7 (ashlynn's age).
my dad had just had his thyroid removed.
he took me to the father-daughter banquet at our church.
this brought me peace amongst the chaos we are
choosing to call life.

monday blessing.

monday's generally have the same blessing. it is when eli comes over. yesterday was not different... it was just the same. that was my beautiful blessing yesterday. we had dinner. then we looked at 127 pages of peopleofwalmart.com and laughed hysterically at some of the interesting people who cross the threshold of walmart (while todd played super mario brothers). it is so nice when things are the same amidst change.